I wrote most of this while sitting at a cafe called “It’s ok”. I was having a down day and needed to go outside, but since it was storming, I went to this cafe. It has chalkboard walls with quotes written on them like “Shit happens, but it’s ok.” and “Having a bad day? It’s ok.” So I couldn’t have chosen a better place. I felt inspired by this cozy place with a cat sleeping next to me and a coffee flavoured chocolate chia thingy, and started writing in my notebook.
I always used to bottle up my feelings. I thought feelings were lame and something I should not bother other people with. They only excisted inside my head. This resulted in me being unable to put into words what I felt. Sometimes the words ‘happy’, ‘sad’ or ‘angry’ felt very empty to me.
The past few months I have learned to talk about my feelings more. My last year at high school was very lonely and an emotional rollercoaster and being away from home is as well. It sometimes was just too much and I could’t possibly keep my feelings to myself anymore. I don’t think I have ever cried as much as this year; both sad and happy tears. And I don’t feel shy or ashamed anymore when I do so.
I do sometimes feel like I’m whining or complaining or ungrateful when I share my feelings. Especially now I can work abroad as a model, because that’s a great opportunity. But it’s difficult being away from the people I love, I miss my own bed and shower, I miss my dog and my cat, and it’s hard living with other people. I am on my own now, thrown into adult life. I cook my own dinner (almost) every night, go to work, handle my finances, etc. And growing up goes hand in hand with feelings.
One of my friends told me a few days ago “I know it sucks sometimes, but try to enjoy it anyway.” So it’s ok if I cry, it’s ok if I am nervous because I do a lot of things for the first time and I don’t know how everything works, and it’s ok to miss home even though I am in a beautiful city. As long as I don’t let it overshadow my excitement and the great opportunities I get. But I can only do that if I share my feelings and I’m so glad I’m learning how to do that. Last year I would’ve never been able to write a blog post like this, let alone publish it. Yay for progress.
So I’ll keep telling myself: Shit happens? It’s ok. That’s part of life and I will only learn from it. Have a bad day? It’s ok. Cry now and let tomorrow be new start. It’s ok.